Stitches in Our Thread

My "real" name is Elizabeth Anne but my mother calls me Betty Anne. I was named after my two grandmothers, Elizabeth Pratt (who we later found out was Sarah Elizabeth)and Anna Plageman. I am the second child (1931) of Adeline & William Pratt. My sister, Adeline was born in 1929. Jeannette, in 1934 & William Jr. 11 1/2 years later. Times were hard in the 1930s. Dad worked at the Wilson Line, a steamship company that took tourists up and down the Delaware River. He was a clerk & did office work. And yes, he could write shorthand! He rode the trolley car to Philadelphia. During this time, we rented a home on Pocahontas Avenue in Hi Nella. Dad was a great story-teller and as we laid in bed at night, he would regal us with stories of animals (who talked) & poor little girls called Alice & Agnes. It was a special time for us. My mother kept us all together. I often think she could have been the author of "30 ways to cook ground beef." She was a "plain" cook but we always had desserts. My dad had a sweet tooth & so did I. Being of German descent, mom was strict but loving. When I was seven, we moved to Madison Avenue in Laurel Springs. We rented a house from my mother's cousin whose last name was D'Ouville. Dad was laid off from his job & worked with the W.P.A. until he got a job at the Sun Shipyard in Delaware. Moving right along, we finally bought a house on Trenton Avenue. The house belonged to my maternal grandparents who decided to rent an apartment near their church. The cost of the house was $4000. My parents lived here for the rest of their lives. You spoke of the traits of your grandparents which you inherited. I didn't have that. My grandmother Plageman was friendly but never loving nor my grandfather. They greeted us but never stopped to chat. My grandmother Pratt was more of the same. My grandfather Pratt would hide in the attic or the basement & ignore us. Dad had a sister, Bertha who was the nicest of all except when she gave us Old Lady purses for Christmas every year. Of course, we told her that we loved them. :) I learned from my mother to be strong & a good mom to my family. She also gave us a love for reading. She was creative & loved playing games. My dad was the Best! He was fun, listened to us & I think I've gotten my sense of humor from him. Interesting that you mentioned how I helped you in some fashion because I always thought you two helped me grow up when dad died

DNA

When I think about my grandparents, I can't help but compare: Grandpop was the fun one (and warrants his own post one day); Grandmom was more serious, more tough, more by the book, showing her love in more subtle ways: the smell of dinner drifting from the kitchen, the overflowing plates on the table and her admonition to "have a little more so it doesn't go to waste," the always-full cookie jar on the kitchen counter. She showed us how to take care of her African violets, rows and rows of plants lined up on glass shelves in the windows; we helped her hang laundry on the clothesline in the back yard, dumped seeds in the bird feeder, picked tomatoes from the garden. I don't think Grandmom would have ever called herself a feminist but she worked for Bell Telephone as a young woman and again when her eldest went off to college. This made an impression on me -- wow, women can have a career!

I was a little scared of Grandmom when she issued her orders: "Make your bed!" "Clean up your mess!" "Put those suitcases away!" She wasn't all business, though, and I remember her singing, playing the piano, acting out old-timey skits with her family members, and telling funny stories till she couldn't talk because she was laughing so hard. From Grandmom I learned that that nurturing is important whether it's people or plants or taking care of your home, that women can be strong and independent and yes, "in charge," that even if you are strong and responsible, there's time for fun, and that family is the center of our relationships.

As a young Air Force wife, my mom left her familiar little town in New Jersey and sailed to France to join my dad. By all accounts, she loved her time overseas and this set the tone for our many travels as a military family. On any assignment, there were some who complained about everything that was unfamiliar, but not my mom. By her example, I learned to be open minded, curious, interested in cultures other than my own, and to embrace new experiences. Mom also passed on her great love of reading to all of us kids, reading to us when we were very small and later encouraging us to enjoy reading on our own. We memorized poems and recited them to her, we wrote our own poems and stories, and we made a weekly trek to the library after church every Sunday. I can still picture myself with a huge stack of books in my arms; libraries and bookstores still give me a little thrill.

Widowed while barely in her 40's, Mom raised my two brothers on her own, went back to college for a Bachelor's degree and then a Master's, worked into her 70's and continues, at 82, to stay very busy with family, friends, travel and fun. She'll strike up a conversation with anyone, which makes me smile and think about all the times my kids would try to hurry me along when I talked too long with someone I'd just met or happened to run across while out and about. And, like Grandmom, Mom loves a good laugh, one that is so hearty that she can't talk and almost can't breathe.

My younger sister, bless her heart, often took the brunt of her bossy big sister's misadventures and shenanigans. While I was rebellious and a "handful," she was quiet, shy and obedient (or at least outwardly so!) As adults, though, we have forged a close sister/friend relationship and I have seen her become a strong advocate for the underdog, humans and animals alike. A recently retired school teacher, she was a tireless supporter of the strugglers, the troubled, the misunderstood. The mom of 6, she seems a paragon of patience and understanding, echoing our mother's words, "if you can't say anything nice, don't say anything at all." (On the other hand, I am not so sweet and never liked that directive very much). My sister sings, acts, writes, edits, takes up causes, and pursues her dreams with gusto. From her I've learned that it's never too late to develop a new skill, to take a chance, to branch out and do something you've always wanted to do. And that a funny story and a belly laugh are the best part of any time we have together.

Although Mom once noted that she and my dad were fearful that I would not "make it" to adulthood, I managed to grow up and become the mother of three lovely daughters myself. As a mom who worked outside the home, I learned to practice patience and choosing my battles--how much of this would really matter in the end? My daughters helped me see my inconsistencies and biases and helped me figure out where I stood, what was important and what was not. From my girls, I also learned to see the joy in simple pleasures, in time spent together, in turning difficulties into "just another little adventure," and the importance of letting them be themselves. I have a heart full of pride at the compassionate and loving women they've become--now all moms, too, who tell their own kids it's just another little adventure and love a huge laugh just like the rest of us.

Jokin’ About Bellies and Butts

Some of the women in our family thought it would be great fun to start an online blog where we can write and learn from each other. We threw out a theme for the first round -- what we've learned from the women in our family, but our intention is to have lots of different themes and to invite family and friends to join us, so we can all laugh and learn together.

Here's my first silly entry!

When the women in my family get together, watch out! Some serious giggling and cackling ensues. There’s always the threat of peeing in your pants because you’ll laugh too hard. The laughter is uproarious and ebbs and flows in waves of beautiful harmony– in tones that begin to sound alike. A sense of humor conquers all.

Mom taught me there is no such thing as boredom. “Boredom is a state of mind,” I hear her saying through my voice to my own children now. “If you’re bored, it’s because you choose to be bored.” If we had a headache, we could go lay down. You can do anything you set your mind to, and you’ll feel better if you do it with a smile. Smile at everyone; you just never know whose day you might brighten. Keep an open mind and don’t judge others; you don’t know what it’s like to walk in their shoes.

Granny taught me you don’t need a man. You just need a good book. Haha! Seriously though, all of the women in my family are wildly independent and seriously creative spirits. From reading to writing to acting and photography, they’ve done it all and they continue to do it with pizzazz and flair.

Aunt Jane taught me to make time for the things you want to do, and all three women have taught me that being a domestic goddess is highly overrated. It’s much more important to use your time to make yourself happy (and your family and everyone else happy) by choosing to do the things you find fulfilling, such as travelling and writing.

Perhaps most poignant for me is the lesson that true inner beauty – kindness, love, and mitzvah – shines through and is what makes a woman truly beautiful. The women in my family may joke about our bellies or our butts, but I’d venture a safe bet we all feel super confident and sexy, no matter what the scale happens to say. And I have learned that when you’re silly happy doing the things you love and you love yourself, others flock to you and love you too. And isn’t that what life’s all about? Learn and love as much as you can and enjoy the journey along the way.

The women in my family are well loved and with good reason. They are strong, intelligent, pee-in-your-pants funny, kind, thoughtful, talented, beautiful women with hearts so big and laughs so infectious, you’ll want to spend hours on end with them the same way I do. I hope they each live to be 120 years old, but if they don’t, I’m so grateful to Aunt Jane for giving me this opportunity to tell them how much I love them and appreciate them for what they have taught me. I could go on and on about all of the women in my family (particularly my sisters, sister-in-law, aunts and my cousins), but since it's a short blog, I thought I'd limit it to the 3 crazy awesome women who decided to start this blog. ;) Love y'all!

We are Woman

My grandmother, Adeline Pratt,  wore the pants in the family. When we visited as children, she reminded us to put our clothes away and our suitcases under the bed.  She could have easily been one of the military's top white glove inspectors. She also led by example.  Her house shone, but more importantly, so did her personality.  Grandmom was a doer. If she wasn't reading, she was knitting, taking care of plants, weeding the garden, playing games with us, telling stories, playing the piano, or-of course-cleaning. I don't think she knew how to stay still even into her 90's. She never missed Mass, but neither did she preach at us. She lived as a role model. And oh, how we would all laugh when we got together!  Grandmom would laugh so hard, she'd say, "Oh no, I'm going to wet my pants!"  We laughed until we cried, and we continue that "tradition" today, whenever two or more of us are together. Though my house will never look like hers--I somehow did NOT inherit the "tidy" gene--I did learn many lessons from Grandmom: integrity, tenacity, and the idea that laughter always makes everything better.

Elizabeth Rice, my mom, taught me to be colorblind. Even though when she was growing up, she wasn't allowed to date Italian boys (oh, my!), we were raised to believe we were all the same "on the inside," and that's what counted. Mom was our Girl Scout leader, and I remember very clearly her saying things like, "Go over there and invite the little girl with the pink ribbon to join your group." It wasn't, "Go invite the Hispanic girl or the  Black girl or the handicapped girl." Lifelong friendships were formed in that Girl Scout Troop. Mom also taught me that it's never too late to do something new. After our father died at 42, Mom went back to school, earning both her Bachelor's and Master's Degrees in Social Work. She took her can-do spirit and created a program for widows and widowers, a program that continues today, long after she retired. At 82 years young, she's still going strong.

My sister, Jane Bye,  taught me about independence and standing up for that which I believe. Sometimes I was afraid for her when she stood up to our iron fisted father, but I also admired that she would. She worked on George McGovern's campaign when she was in high school, and would come home excitedly talking about our next president. I remember how sad she was when he didn't win, but that began her lifelong involvement in politics and particularly in the Peace and Justice movement.

My daughters and daughter-in-law, Kristinn, Jordan, Alana, Rachel, and Vicki, have also taught me so much. They work hard and play hard. They are amazing mothers and aunts, who join me in loving all of my grandchildren fiercely. They've taught me that women can be anything they want to be, that age is irrelevant especially when it comes to clothes (for example, I shouldn't dress like an "old lady"), that I don't have to live in the shadow of any man, that joy surrounds me and should be embraced. So, I do. I embrace each day, encompassed by the love, joy and laughter that the women in my family bring. And boy, do they bring it!