D-I-V-O-R-C-E

 I think it was Tammy Wynette or Dolly Parton who sang D-I-V-O-R-C-E, a sad song about spelling the word so her son couldn't understand what was happening to his parents.  Most people I know who've gone through separation and/or divorce had a really difficult time with it.  Maybe I'm odd, but I didn't.  If anything, when it was finally final, I was relieved.  Married at 17, I didn't understand what I was getting into, and I should have- considering my parents' tumultuous marriage.  Somehow, I thought I'd have a Walton-esque family, where everyone always loved each another no matter what and went to bed at night with "Goodnight John-Boy," on his/her lips.  

Over the years, I've learned that everything we do has a purpose, and I learned a lot from my early marriage.  I grew up in ways I might not have if not for Robert and our life together.  I wanted children more than anything, and together we had three without whom I can't imagine my life.  I also grew in ways I had no idea I would.  I started college, and my eyes opened to good literature and interesting philosophy.  I began, probably for the first time, to think for myself, and in that new world, I grew away from my husband.  He didn't like the change in me, and the fighting eventually became unbearable.  When I finally took the kids and left, there was nothing left for us.  

I never went to court.  Robert took care of all of it. I signed the papers, not caring about any of the financial stuff because I wanted out and that was all that mattered to me.  Child support for all three kids together was a whole $210.00 a month, and since I was still in college, I received another $340 from Dad's VA benefit.  I worked part time at a daycare center for minimum wage.  That's what we lived on, with occasional help from family.  Times were tough, that's for sure; but I look back on it, and it really didn't seem terrible.  We ate a lot of peanut butter and Hamburger Helper, but we were ok.  I had great friends, too, who were there for me and the kids.

Robert soon moved out of state with the Air Force and really wasn't in our lives much or often, which was fine with me.  In so many ways, I was lucky.  I didn't have to fight for custody-it was always understood that the kids would go with me.  Once it was done, it was done, and I really didn't have to deal with my ex but very rarely.  I know it's not like that for most people.  I do wish we were all better at realizing some relationships aren't meant to last and to be wise enough to understand that.  I've read about some couples who are able to divorce and stay friends-even vacationing together with their new spouses and combined families.  I wish we all did a better job of putting our kids first.  And I've always said I never want to be one of those bitter old couples who stay together for various reasons and end up hating each other.  I'd rather be alone than have that kind of life.  

I think I felt like a failure for some time since I believe I was the first divorce in the family.  My "black sheep" status felt firmly engraved on my heart, but just like I don't regret the marriage, I don't regret the divorce either.  We played an important part in each other's lives, but we didn't belong together "till death do us part."  I wonder how many people do in this day and age when we live two or three lifetimes compared to a couple hundred years ago.  One of my friends has always said marriage should come with an expiration date.  After 10 years or so, couples should be able to choose to renew-or not.  She may be onto something.