Chocolate is the devil

My name is Kathi, and I am a chocoholic.  Seriously-I think I need a twelve step program.  The bloodwork came back from my annual check-up, which for me is seldom annual.  I may get to the doc once about every five years normally, but I try my best to stay away.  I originally went to this particular doctor because I had heard she was great and prescribed bioidentical hormones.  Being post-menopausal for a few years now and still dealing with damn power surges (AKA hot flashes), I thought I'd give her a try.

Her nurse drew most of my blood that first day (a year ago).  I had enough left to make it home for a nap, but I digress.  That first blood draw showed I had no estrogen, progesterone, or testosterone at all, my thyroid was very low, my vitamin D was non-existent, and I had high cholesterol.  The good news was I also have some kind of genetic anomaly which protects my heart in spite of my high cholesterol.  So, the doc prescribed a bioidentical thyroid supplement, liquid vitamin D, and bioidentical hormones in a lotion that I was to rub on before bed each night.  Fast forward 3 months, she had my blood drawn again, and everything was improving EXCEPT my hormones, which still registered in the negative.  At that point, she switched me to an oral supplement.

Thursday, I went in for the results of my most recent blood draw.  My thyroid and vitamin D levels are now at optimal level, which is great news.  As a matter of fact everything looked great except those darn hormones that are still lower than zero, and I had elevated sugar, making me pre-diabetic.  I've suspected that for some time because I honestly could live on chocolate.  What else does one need?  My prescription is to "LIMIT sugar" as much as possible."   "Make stevia your new best friend," she said.  I have stevia in my house, and I have no trouble substituting it in tea or lemonade.  My problem is what to do about the chocolate.  If I eat one, I am guaranteed to eat another...and another...and you get the picture.  One piece of chocolate cake leads to someone saying, "Hey, who ate the LAST piece of cake?"  Ooops.  I have been known to buy a bag of Hershey's Kisses or Reese's Peanut Butter Cups (G-d, I love those) and hide them from the kids, so they can be all mine. Awful, I know.  And this is what made me come to the conclusion that I must quit cold turkey.

I'm now on Day 2 of chocolatelessness, and I must say I'm feeling a little punchy.  It also happens to be the day before Easter, and though I'm Jewish, I have an intense craving for one of those giant solid chocolate bunnies out there.  Christian friends and family, guard your chocolate well.  I am not responsible for what I might do should you walk by with your cute little Easter basket in tow.  Hide the bunnies; hide the chocolate eggs!  My nose actually started twitching earlier today, and I could swear I smelled chocolate.  It's as though my sense of smell is heightened to ferret out anything chocolatey.  I dare not stop in a grocery store.

I find myself having terrible thoughts like, "Could diabetes really be that bad?"  and "So what if I have to lose a few toes-do I really need them?"  This is why I've decided I need a twelve step program.  Where's the closest one and how do I get there?  If you notice how this blog flits all over the place-that's the chocolate deprivation kicking in.  Check back in a few weeks to find out whether or not I survive or have a relapse.  A relapse right now doesn't sound too bad to me...

(The above blog was meant in fun and NOT meant to make light of or offend anyone struggling with any type of addiction!)